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Sometime back I was watching a program on a business TV channel where a bunch of reputed CEOs, CFOs, COOs, etc., were judges for a young business entrepreneur program. Each young participant was to present a business case study for the winning entry. However, the program was going nowhere as the judges were not allowing any participant to complete the presentation or go beyond a couple of sentences, and would constantly bombard them with questions after questions. And the judges were even firing questions at each other and answering every question with another question. Every young participant half their age were being ripped to pieces with their incessant and often cynical questions. Finally one of the one of the participants was awarded a ceramic pot of un-definable shape with something inscribed on it, while the others walked out dazed and gasping for breath. Mercifully the program ended soon.

Today the world is full of people who love to ask tough questions. Interviews, talk shows, blogs, corporate seminars, meetings, vendor discussions, business strategies, IT support, journalism, service level agreements, etc., are all about bombarding someone with truckloads of smart and intelligent sounding questions. Today asking questions that others cannot answer is the favorite hobby for many people. Hence people nowadays take great pride in asking complicated and smart questions that can make others squirm, shut their mouth or run away from the scene. Of course, it is not necessary for the asker to know an answer (or what should be the answer) for his or her own question. But it does not mean people will be using tough and rude questions with everyone, but they will definitely not miss an opportunity to fire it on someone they can afford to be rude with. Also many believe just asking a tough question settles the matter without the need to get involved to solve the issue. A large percentage of people ask tough questions just for the heck of it, especially in meetings. Often many people ask tough questions mainly to satisfy their ego of making others uncomfortable, cover up their lack of knowledge, or to impress others. Most discussions and arguments you observe are all about how someone outsmarted someone else by firing a smart question. Watching someone squirm gives a self congratulatory sadistic pleasure to many people like, “Hah, you should have seen that bozo’s face when I asked him that tricky question.”

Nowadays with the amount of information overload it is very easy to ask plenty of good, bad, tough, smart, rude, tricky, vague, stupid, dumb and rubbish questions. And a large percentage of those questions just don’t have answers. However, the habit of asking questions is basically not a bad habit, but deliberately asking questions that you or others cannot answer is dumb. You can keep asking such questions to eternity, but you will not get any correct answers or solutions. Rude and rubbish questions, even smart sounding ones, often create a lot of problems. Very often people ask tough questions because they think a tough question will get the necessary answer. But the fact is people avoid people who ask tough questions. Bombarding anyone with tough questions is a futile exercise, because you will never get the right answers. If only makes people avoid you, or give you evasive, defensive and incorrect answers. Besides a shoot the messenger approach will make people tell lies and cover up bad news to prevent their head from being chewed off. Secondly rough and tough questions simply create stress, anxiety and fear to a lot of people. Such questions make people commit more mistakes because the brain goes numb with fear. Toughness prevents truth from being said and people will invent excuses. And the list can go on and on. Maybe rough and tough questions are useful in police interrogations, but rarely necessary in business life. As Bob Parsons said, “Every business everywhere is staffed with imperfect human beings and exists by providing a product or service to other imperfect human beings.” So if you are a sensible person you will understand the limitations of our species. To get correct answers or solutions from others you need to ask beautiful questions. Now you may ask a question as to what is a beautiful question, and how do you ask one? But a beautiful question cannot be exactly defined, nor is it possible to give you a specific list of beautiful questions that can be used in every situation. However, a beautiful question can be described in many ways. Here are a few ways to learn how to ask beautiful questions.

1. A beautiful question does not have any toxicity, cynicism or tricky content into it. It is a question that does not trap people or put them in an awkward position. A beautiful question can be a straightforward or direct question, but it is asked in a non-threatening or non-intimidating way.

2. A beautiful question does not hurt sentiments, make people defensive or point fingers at them in an accusatory manner. People make mistakes and will continue to do many mistakes in their lifetime. It is quite possible for someone to have completely goofed up on something, lost a major account or did something really stupid. Except in rare cases there will always be a valid reason for it.

3. Beautiful questions create pleasantness and collaboration. It removes fear and extracts right answers even if the answer is bad news. Successful managers know how to get the right answers from employees by not being intimidating in their approach. Their objective is to solve an issue or a problem, and not get a mischievous pleasure by making people uncomfortable. Beautiful questions help you achieve that.

4. Beautiful questions do not have a “Shoot the messenger” approach. If you develop the habit of asking beautiful questions people approach you openly for help and advise, instead of thinking, “Here comes the ogre to chew our head off.”

5. People who know how to ask beautiful questions do not thump on tables, demand an explanation right away or try find a scapegoat.

To summarize, the challenge for each one of us is to frequently pause and observe ourselves to see if we are asking the right questions. And we can conclude with a quote from Dorothy Nevill, “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

Thejendra BS is an IT manager & author from India. He pens articles on self-improvement, technical, humor, etc, and has published books like Disaster Recovery & Business Continuity, IT Service Management, LIFE-365 and Corporate Wardrobe. Visit http://www.thejendra.com to buy his popular books and articles.

In recovery, if your life is filled with non-pleasurable activities, you are more likely to relapse. The relapse will provide an intense, but only temporary, satisfaction.

Perhaps the greatest risk for imbalance comes when we are too focused on what we “should” do and not enough on what we want to do. Of course, we need to do what we should do. But in balance! One comparison for this is someone who places too large a portion of income into retirement funds. Daily life becomes constrained. There is also the risk that a “binge” of spending may undo the savings, in order to experience some more immediate well being. More balanced money management could prevent the desire for a binge.

Lifestyle balance can be considered from a number of perspectives. Below is a list (taken from my book, Sex, Drugs, Gambling & Chocolate, page 191) that you might use to consider how balanced you are:

Work and relaxation

Activity and contemplation (self-assessment)

Duties and fun

Long-term projects and momentary pleasure

Alone time and social time

Routine household chores and new projects

“Shoulds” and “wants”

Making money and spending money

Spiritual time and secular time

Giving and receiving

Being physically distant and being physically close

Exercise and rest

Personal maintenance and productivity

Going fast and going slow

Learning from others and learning independently

The idea of balance as an ideal is at least as old as Aristotle. In his Nicomachean Ethics (written in the 4th century BCE), which might be described as the first self-help book, he describes virtuous activity as a mean between two extremes. For instance, courage is a mean between cowardice and foolhardiness. For each item on the list above, we need to consider to what extent we have achieved a balance between the two poles listed.

Having achieved some basic balance in life, the next step can be considering more deeply what our enduring satisfactions truly are. It is this consideration that connects the fourth point of the 4-Point Program back to the first point (to “enhance and maintain motivation to abstain”). Motivation to abstain is ultimately based on a sense that there is a better life to live than an addicted one. The example of a terminal cancer patient needing morphine for pain control shows that what might be considered addictive behavior is not necessarily bad. But it you believe that there can be more to life than what addiction provides, the challenge is to achieve that.

What is most important in life has been a focus for everyone at times, but perhaps not enough of the time. Freud suggested that a combination of love (relationships) and work (productive activity) is most important. If only this simple suggestion (“to love and work”), or other suggestions, were enough to provide clear guidance for all of us!

I propose some basic questions. What are my most important relationships? How could I pay more attention to these relationships? What activities am I good at? Given what I am good at, or could learn, what do I most like doing? What satisfactions did I have before addiction? At what moments in life did I feel a clear sense of direction (and what was that direction)? How much time do I speak with others, and think about, my direction in life?

For most of us, being out of balance is about focusing too much on short-term (momentary) concerns, and not enough on long-term (enduring) concerns. Although there are some individuals who put too much money into retirement, the typical problem is not putting enough. I hope the above ideas help you strike a better balance.

This article is adapted from “Lifestyle Balance,” originally published in the SMART Recovery newsletter (smartrecovery.org), July, 2001.

Tom Horvath, Ph.D., is president of Practical Recovery, La Jolla (San Diego), California, the leading provider of collaborative addiction care, practicalrecovery.com Alternative to 12-step - Addiction Treatment San Diego.

Being a neighborhood team coach can be the worst nightmare for some people. Staring as a team of seven year old soccer kids, watching them kick the ball around with no sense of direction or team-play can push your pateience and even sanity. It might even seem strange at first to be looked upon as a coach, knowing that however hard you try to influence your players, ultimately you are not the one playing on the field.

Even in the corporate world, lessons learnt from coaching still remain relevant. The handlers, front-liners and even benchwarmers in your company are all bidding their time to perform, eager to impress you, the coach. Like sports, some corporate players are MVP matieral, some are simply to support your star players while the unfortunate some, are capable of nothing more than benchwarmers. However, everyone wants to be in the spotlight, to get a pat on the back and the coach’s praise. It is often difficult to accept that the star players are always in the limelight while you are sitting back on the bench. This is the same in the corporate world.

However, a wise man once said, determination is that which makes a coach. This article outlines 7 steps to becoming a successful coach in the corporate world.

1. The new buzz-word lately is the concept of “corporate team building”. There are many ways to go about this: vacation packages, rope courses, in-office games, ice-breakers and many others. Management may also choose to purchase videos, books and seminar packages to aid them in consolidating their organization into a well-forged team. Such tools are widely available online and form the most common method to begin coaching. However, it is by far not the only method.

2. Motivation works magic. A coach must be practical in looking for ways to motivate your team. Be it speeches, rewards or even the hair-dryer treatment, a motivated team works better than one that is disillusioned.

3. Experience is more valuable than education. Knowing the theory of stirring up energy in your team is one thing. Being able to lead your team correctly, bringing forth their creative energy in practice is another. Mixing up the energetic side of your team can work wonders even when working on the smallest of projects.

4. Questioning a person’s performance is often required as a coach, however, never allow things to get personal and begin to question his or her knowledge or intelligence. Players are often put under immense stress and expectation to succeed, personal attacks will only lead to further aggravation and hostility between the player and the coach. Often, coaches need to experience first hand what the players are going through in order to set a better course for improvement.

5. Benching a player is often a difficult choice especially for the coach. Even more so when you need to bench your top performer. However, sometimes it might be necessary to do so in order to keep egos in check. Egoism breaks the team apart and makes them lose their focus even on the most mundane of tasks. Being firm yet understanding about this can often help solve bruised egos.

6. Never allow yourself to be blinded by your position. A coach has to guide his players even if he can understand their actions. It is infinitely better to give them good advice for their own benefit rather than letting them realize it for themselves.

7. Lastly, be confident in your decisions and your team. While performance is what your team is striving for, it is important to consider the human factor also. Before benching your player, have a chat with him to see if there are any areas of improvement. Encouraging your players helps keep morale high in the team, and this in turn allows you to have the confidence in your team’s performance.

Being a coach is a tough job, yet seeing your company succeed can be one of the most rewarding experiences in the corporate world. Coaches are not there as disciplinarians or teachers, they are there to guide each player to perform at their best. Being a coach is like being a parent, watching your team succeed, not only makes you proud but also makes your team proud of you.

Don’t become a coach until you read this important information at: Self Improvement Articles. Find more great articles at: Free Web Articles

One of the major factors that must be resolved in order to work at home is that of financial backing to begin. Included are some imaginative ways to fund your venture.

When you work at home, you often need some ready cash in order to get started. The financial backing may be to pay more a membership in a listing service, or to receive some needed training, or the purchase an e-book that tells you about methods or procedures that will help you toward your financial goals. You may even need to purchase additional equipment in order to do the job you want to do. If you are as strapped for cash as many people who begin the journey toward financial freedom at home, you are probably looking for a way to get started in your chosen business. Here are some ways you can use to get that initial boost financially in order to get started quickly.

Use your nest egg

When you work at home, you can plan ahead for your project by setting aside a few dollars from each paycheck or by cutting back on a less than vital expenditure and dedicating the savings toward your new project. After all, the enjoyment of anything that you succeed at is in direct proportion of the effort that is required to achieve the success. It is surprising how much can be put toward savings when you make a dedicated effort toward a goal.

Sell something you don’t need

Would you sell an unneeded item to provide the needed equipment and resources to work at home? Most people would rank their priorities so that they could accomplish something by getting rid of an item they no longer need. You could easily have a yard sale and get a few hundred dollars toward your goal in just a single weekend. Some areas have consignment auctions where you take your unwanted goods to an auction house and receive the cash after the sale, less the amount for auctioneer’s fees. Of course, you can also offer items at one of the online auction sites.

Tap your friends and family

Even if your friends and family can’t come up with cash to help you work at home, they may be able to help in other ways. Perhaps their creative talents can be used in designing a web site or a product label. Maybe they will offer to provide labor temporarily to ship your product. Perhaps they have a computer or printer that they are willing to let you use temporarily or permanently. Sometimes family members are willing to come up with a short term low interest loan to you so that you can get your business started properly.

Barter

Barter arrangements or no money down arrangements are more common and easier to obtain than you might think. If you offer to trade services for goods, or vice versa, you can often set up a scenario where your work at home cash outlay will be much less than you would normally expect. Remember, not only do you need to find backers for setting up your business, but you must create a cash flow that will allow you to continue your business.

Choosing Work at Home or Work from Home as your major information source on work from home programs makes a lot of sense. You’ll find numerous tips as well as other valuable information and a FREE Report here to learn more.

Isn’t that one of the weirdest things about guys, that being our tendency to never want to ask for help or ask for directions when we’re lost? Yes, I admit it, we do get lost at times. So what’s the deal there? The short answer is stubborn pride - we just don’t want to admit it when we’re wrong or have made a mistake. The male brain is chalked full of weird little things like that and you end up being the troopers that have to put up with it. The intentions behind this little stunt are actually pretty decent.

Guys (good ones anyway) pride themselves on being problem solvers, we like to take care of things for you. Yeah, we might slip up and forget to take out the trash or tidy up after ourselves but we’re generally a very diligent bunch when it comes to doing things for our ladies. And that includes knowing the way to the restaurant or to the lake. I, like many guys, will cheat and do a Mapquest search if I don’t know exactly where I’m going. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to print out the directions. That would be a sign of weakness.

No, instead, I’ll study those directions like they were a final exam in a physics class and somehow convince myself that I’ve memorized them. Five minutes out the door, I’ll remember most of it but some of those little details will be a bit foggy. Hey, at least temporarily anyway, you’re convinced that we know what we’re doing and that’s what’s important to us. When a lady has faith in her guy and is pretty sure he knows what he’s doing, the little pride meter inside all of us goes way up. Of course, every rose has its thorn. Whatever pride we felt in knowing you thought we had things taken care of comes crashing down like a busted pinata when we realize we don’t have a clue where we’re going or how we could have possibly missed that key street to turn down.

So what do we do? Here’s where it gets crazy. We think you still think we know what we’re doing and there is that narrow window of opportunity to get the directions right before you realize we’re lost and that we made a mistake. So we keep up the act, saying things like, “Yeah, it should be right up ahead” or, “I remember this street so we should be close” so you feel comfortable that we actually know what we’re doing.

At what point you realize what we already know, that being that we’re lost, we as guys aren’t real sure. My opinion is that most women give their guys a little courtesy silence first, knowing full well that he’s lost but choosing not to say anything just yet. And we do appreciate that. What happens next is our own fault and that is, we convince ourselves that we can fix the little predicament we’ve found ourselves in. Sure, we turned left back there when we shouldn’t have so turning right here should right the ship, right? Sound familiar?

By the time you actually say something or ask if we’re lost, we are so beyond lost that it would be nearly impossible to recover. But we still don’t want to ask for directions because we were supposed to know the way. To stop and ask is a blatant way of saying, “Yeah, I screwed up” and most guys equate admitting defeat to a root canal. We’re problem solvers by nature and somehow, someway, we know we’re going to get there. We know it’s a pain in the butt sometimes but my suggestion is to let us guys be ourselves. We’re going to make mistakes but, in the long run, we’ll do more good than bad and hey, we’re just trying to make you happy. That can’t be so bad, huh?

Author is co-founder of GirlsAskGuys.com, a Q&A website where men and women can ask, answer questions and learn anything and everything about men and women. GirlsAskGuys offers hundreds of articles, thousands of questions and answers, all providing Relationship Advice! Article originally published at www.GirlsAskGuys.com.